Friday, November 17, 2017

LADY SUSAN & COUNTESS JULIE: REFLECTIONS ON FINANCIAL CONTROL

(Note from Thomas Lavalle: As previously noted here, “Lady Susan” is the mother of “Nancy” (of “Nancy and Dennis,” whose many postings can still be read on Mark Remond’s Wife Worship blog). “Countess Julie” is Susan’s sister. Both women are guiding lights of a thriving, multi-generational matriarchal clan.)


The following are some comments on financial control that follow from your recent posts. I hope these are useful. In future postings, we may comment on things we’ve done regarding power of attorney, home and car ownership, and so on. The plain fact of the matter is that men love obeying women, and there’s no better thing for women to control than money.

We have been counseling a small but vibrant group of younger, professional women who are interested in having more control over lesser-educated, stay-at-home husbands, or househusbands. One of the proven techniques of imposing women’s will concerns strict financial controls over males. Dennis tells me that having the wife in complete control of the couple’s money has a tremendous impact. Some men are initially frustrated with the consequent financial limitations, but all come to find the strictures imposed by women as being beneficial – they are freed from financial worries! Let’s consider some suggestions and observations from our FLR workshops with both women and men.


Women should strive to take financial controls or at least exercise significant influence early in a relationship. Women should position themselves to take as much financial advantage of men as possible. After all, men, through society’s patriarchy, have been unjustly accruing wealth and excluding women – it’s time to get some – all! – of that back, ladies. Women should be taking as much financial advantage of men as possible. An example?

When Dennis met Nancy in college at a feminist meeting, he was studying on a full fellowship, while Nancy had no such arrangement. She wanted an off-campus apartment instead of living in the dormitories and was able to manipulate Dennis into renting an apartment for her. She consulted a feminist attorney who structured an arrangement that committed Dennis but benefited Nancy. Dennis would lease the apartment for a period of a year and then sublease it to Nancy for $1 per month. Nancy had an irrevocable right to renew the lease for an additional year for $1 a month, if she so desired.

Dennis was also made responsible for utilities and upkeep. Originally he hired a maid service to provide upkeep but eventually came twice a week, at a time convenient to Nancy, to clean the apartment himself. Nancy was never there when Dennis cleaned, however; he was let in by a woman friend who provided instructions and inspected his work after he was done. At no time did Dennis “share” the apartment with Nancy, and she stresses that this was not a “sugar daddy” situation. He received nothing in return other than the satisfaction of “giving back” some of the wealth he had accrued due to patriarchy. And, of course, he was given the opportunity to demonstrate that he was a submissive male, a fact that definitely drove his relationship with Nancy.

Note: Nancy was successful because she worked with an attorney. Women are well advised to seek legal help in such situations and when formulating important documents such as prenuptial agreements.

The Internet and electronic banking make it easy for women to control men’s access to money. A comment was made on this blog that a husband’s company would only deposit his paycheck into a joint account – no problem! She can do two things: 1) keep the account number and password to herself, and 2) set up an automatic transfer of his paycheck into her account. Problem solved! Once the funds are in her account, she’s free to pay bills, manage investments, and spend on herself as she sees fit.

Don’t forget to look in on your husband’s benefits, savings plan, deductions, and so on. Benefits can usually be accessed electronically. Women need to be aware that a favorite trick men play is to withdraw money from a savings plan for frivolous use – question any withdrawals.

Know what’s in your man’s wallet – randomly check. Empty the wallet! Are there any receipts for purchases you didn’t approve? Any credit cards he shouldn’t have? Confiscate any money above what you approve he can have.

Does hubby have a company credit card? If so, get access to the statement and review the charges; they should all be business-related. Make sure they are! Men sometimes charge things on a company card to get around any wife-imposed spending restrictions.

We don’t recommend women involving their husbands with finances; ideally, they will be fully involved with housework and will not have the time to dedicate to money management. Besides, the majority of men look on women’s handling finances as beneficial. In our experience, most men don’t really want to do the money-management thing.

Men should have an allowance that provides them with some small amount for miscellaneous expenses. Men should be accountable for the money thus provided. As an example, if we find that Dennis has frivolously spent his allowance, that allowance is reduced and a fine, payable to Nancy or me, may be imposed.

If your man needs extra money, try having him “earn” it! Have him house-clean for your women friends, for example. Dennis does this and also works at a boutique and cleans rooms at a local hotel. He never sees any of this money, however; I do – by arrangement with those he’s working for, and I take 25% off the top – female privilege!

We also have Dennis set aside 2/3 of his allowance – 1/3 for charity donations, usually to women’s causes, and 1/3 for gift-giving for both Nancy and me, and also for small gifts to women of the family and for women friends. More on this later; but if Dennis needs money for gifts or charity, Nancy and I will consider his needs and usually grant him more money, but NEVER the full amount. It’s one more way of showing control.

Men should have access to a bank card ONLY on a need basis. He should ask permission to use the card, providing justification. The card should be returned immediately after use and receipts provided for the woman’s review of his expenses. We encourage women to question his spending both as a way of exerting control and to encourage his spending wisely. Dennis is chastised if we feel he has overspent.

For large purchases, women should accompany men or eliminate them from the buying process completely. Dennis is involved in buying a dishwasher, washing machine, or iron, since he is their primary user. Usually he is allowed to get what he wants, but we will question him on his choices. We also let the salesperson know that Dennis is the user of all household appliances and that their sales pitch should be directed to him. For larger purchases like buying a car or a home remodel, Dennis has no say whatsoever.

These are just a few things to consider. It’s been a long time since women were able to secure financial control simply by having their man hand over their checks on payday, but financial controls are definitely possible and, in most cases, men are surprisingly receptive.

We have other financial considerations but will save them for a future post.

—Lady Susan & Countess Julie


Friday, November 3, 2017

AU876 ON TOTAL FINANCIAL CONTROL, PART 2

(Concluding a two-part reposting by “Au876” on why it is so important for a wife-worshipping husband to surrender all financial control to his wife. —Thomas Lavalle)

Did He Give Up Control, or Did She Simply Take It?

In our marriage I no longer have any thoughts about what control I will give her or not. And, honestly, I can’t recall that I ever did. My wife simply took control, and I learned that submitting to her was pleasurable, rewarding and fulfilled me as a man.

A few of us [on Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Husbands’ forum] have posted, saying we draw the line at financial control. My wife did not give me that choice. She took financial control, she did not ask for it. However, if she controls you, and you control the money, then that means she has simply delegated this to you. The wife should take total control, control of all matters, and the husband should obey her in all matters. She then decides what non-supervised responsibilities he is capable of and can handle as well as responsibilities that require her direct supervision. And she gives them to him at her pleasure. All issues of control are for the woman to decide, and the man to accept. We have to remember, all this is about doing what our wife wants, not what we want. If she wants you to handle the finances, then that is a duty you owe her.

No, she didn’t use physical force to gain financial control. I always have a choice. But if I choose against her will, it means no sexual release for six months. I have resisted twice and suffered through that. Having learned that lesson, I did not resist her financial control. Besides, she is much more capable than I am, and we are much better off with her in control. I understand that not all wife-led marriages will be the same. However, in my opinion, it is the wife who decides what the path for the husband will be. He can’t “top from the bottom.” A husband can discuss a matter with his wife, wonder about it, and use his intellect as best he can to come up with a possible plan of action, but in the end it is the wife who will lay down the path for the husband to follow.

Power of Attorney

You may also want to consider a power of attorney. All couples should have one, each for the other, anyway. Both of us have a signed one. I have a complete power of attorney to act in all matters on behalf of my wife. She has the same from me. We keep them in a safety-deposit box. Should she become disabled, I can act on her behalf, and, of course, the same is true in reverse.


Yes, I could get the power of attorney and do as I pleased, even while she is in good health. But, of course, I would never touch it without her permission or unless she became disabled. If I did, it would be the last thing I did as a married man. But it protects both of us should the need arise.

As between you and your wife, I do suggest you execute a power of attorney in her favor over all of your affairs. This gives her absolute and complete control. She can use it as she sees fit and never needs your permission for anything she wants to do. You should also be getting everything into her name alone. But before doing so, you may want to check with an attorney to make sure (depending on your assets) that you don’t lose your estate exception in the event of your death because you don’t have anything in your estate. That can be worked out, especially if your wife has power of attorney over any assets in your name.

In Public, Who Pays?

If we go to a fast food place, my wife studies the overhead menu a second, tells me what she wants, hands me money (usually a ten or twenty) and goes to take a seat. I order, get the food and bring it to her. I give her the change. Sometimes she tells me to keep it or at least a portion of it. Like if she gave me a twenty and the meal was seven dollars or so, she may just take the ten and let me have the rest.

When we go to any type of sit-down-and-order place to eat, we almost always pay by credit card. I take the check, look it over, add on the tip and give it to my wife who signs and gives it back to me.

As for ordering, I take my cue from her. We study the menu together. The waiter/waitress, of course, always asks for her order first. She gives her order. Sometimes she goes ahead and orders for me with no comment. Sometimes she asks me if I want her to order for me. I have never dared say “no” in front of the waiter.

Sometimes she places her order and stops. The waiter then turns to me and I place my order. About half the time when I do this she will say something like, “I don’t think you will like that, why don’t you try so and so?” If she says that, I order what she suggests because I know she wants to sample it. If we are having wine, she always orders that.

We have been doing it this way for years. Any time we eat out, it is a pleasure for me, no cooking, no cleaning up, etc. I just take my cue from her and go with it. If we are in a real fancy, upbeat place, especially if it is French or something, she always orders for both of us after we have looked over the menu together. I have a hard time even understanding some of the menu items and am grateful she does this. She knows what I like.

All this seems very normal to me. I am certainly comfortable with it. The main thing for me is to do what she wants and be a gentleman about it.

Advice and Encouragement to New Sub-Hubbies

Until you get married, it is my opinion you should not give your girlfriend control of your finances. It is fine, even good, for her to be made fully aware of them and even to approve or disapprove of your expenditures. You can heed her advice or not. But if you want to turn over financial control to her, then do it. If she is after your money, she will get it and dispose of you soon enough. Be prepared for that. It could really hurt.

But for now, maybe it is best that you simply let her teach and guide you in financial matters. Try your best to abide by her advice and wishes. Learn from her. When you get married, in my opinion that is the time to give yourself and all you have into her control. If she wants control of the finances, she should have it. I have never regretted my wife getting absolute financial control. It gives her a tremendous amount of power over me, but I trust her and respect the power she has. I would not want it any other way. If your girlfriend does take over, believe me, it will give her a level of control over you that you may at times wish she didn’t have, and it will put you at her mercy more than you know. But, overall, I firmly recommend it.

It seems like all the other husbands of this forum still hold on to some level of control in this area, except for me.


Surrendering Too Much, Going Too Far?

All my money goes directly into my wife’s personal checking account. I have no access to it. In our state, if a spouse dies, the surviving spouse gets a year’s support from the estate without the worry of probate or anything else.

About signing your house over to your wife:

You may be able to do that without a lawyer. All you need is a quit claim deed. Sign it over to her, then go to the courthouse and have it recorded. When I had to sign mine over to my wife, she did have a lawyer friend of hers provide her with the deed. I signed it and we both went to the courthouse to record it. It was not difficult or expensive at all.

I know a few husbands on this site disagree, but I think the wife having full and final financial control of all assets is very important. You can’t be fully submissive if you can control any aspect of the finances. Yes, it is a tough thing to give up, but the feeling of being completely under your wife’s authority is well worth it.

I think, however, if I had been “screwed” by an ex-wife or two, I would certainly take steps to protect myself. I also acknowledge that my wife could “screw” me over. If she did, I am sure I wouldn’t let any other woman do it again, if I could help it. But I have total trust in my wife, total.

Does your wife control your money? From what I have seen posted, I am one of the few men [on this forum] who seems to have no zero control in this area and who is forced to live on whatever allowance his wife decides is best for me.

Of course, she could take everything we have. In my mind, it all belongs to her anyway. She is free to do as she pleases with it. If she took it all and left me, I could survive. But I trust her to do right by me. If she doesn’t, it will be because she doesn’t want to. That is her decision, and I will live by it.

Let’s face it, odds are you will die before your wife, as most men do. You do not want her to be alone with no experience in finances. Even men who are not man enough to submit to their wives should arrange to have them in control of the money, or at least equal partners so she will be able to carry on without them.

Yes, money is power. If your wife controls it, she has that power. You have to trust her. I do. But she does as she pleases with the money. Most of the time I don’t even know what that is. My biggest financial problem is trying to figure a way to persuade her to give me an extra $5 a week for my small allowance and to avoid her reducing it if I fail to please her. I consider myself lucky to have such a small problem.

Final Thoughts

If your wife does not want complete financial control, you should not force it. The idea is to do whatever she wants. But regardless, it should evolve to where you don’t spend any money other than your allowance without her approval. Meanwhile, she should evolve to the point where she knows she need not ask or seek your permission for anything.

We have to remember all this is about doing what our wife wants, not what we want. If she wants you to handle the finances, then that is a duty you owe her—part of your submission to her will. In any marriage one partner is usually better suited to handling the money and that partner should be the one who has most of the responsibility (provided the wife wants it that way). If your wife wants you to handle the finances, you should.

I personally don’t think any freedom you give up to favor your wife and increase your service to her should be left to fantasy. Move forward in your submission and don’t be afraid to give her all the control she wants.

(End of Two-Part Posting)

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Selected Comments:

 Ms. Kathy:

“Thank you, sweetie, for a very nice posting. There are some things in life that make me angry. One of the things that makes me very angry is when a man tells a wife that he wants to submit to her authority, but then places limits on the way he will submit. A man with too much money in his pocket is a problem waiting to happen.”

Carl:

“In my opinion, forcing someone to give up control by denying him release is not a real choice; it is blackmail. And I definitely agree that it is a wise decision to not grant your girlfriend financial control. She could run away with all your money.”

Anonymous:

“My girlfriend manages my finances. We aren’t married (yet) and she makes a point to differentiate between manage and control. She set up two bank accounts for me. My name is on the account, but she has signature authority over them. She is the only one that knows the online passwords.

“I have a debit card for one account. We keep $250 in this account, and it’s primarily for emergency situations. Also, if I need to buy a big dollar item, something like airline tickets, she will transfer the money into the account to cover the cost.

“My direct deposit goes into the other account. While it’s still my account in name, I am not allowed access to it. She decides how it is to be spent. My portion of the bills is paid from this account as are my various loan payments (I still have car and student loan payments).

“Every Monday, she gives me $100 in cash. But then every Monday evening, we go out and have dinner with three to four of her girl friends. They all know about our relationship, and it’s sort of a little ritual we have. She’ll order something simple for me (a soup or salad) and I basically wait as they eat their meals and socialize. She’ll signal me when it’s my time to leave, and I’ll pay the bill, then go wait in the car.

“My allowance is really what’s left over from the $100 after paying for their dinners. It usually ends up being around $20 per week. Sometimes she’ll encourage them to break their diets and order desserts. When she does that, I usually have to use money saved from the previous week to pay the restaurant bill. One time I didn’t have enough surpluses from the previous week and had to use the debit card. She docked my allowance the two following weeks to replenish it.

“She does occasionally take liberties with how she manages my money. For example, she has occasionally informed me that I’ve ‘treated’ her and one of her friends to a session at the day spa. Then she’ll point out that I spent the past three days at work so they could enjoy a couple hours of relaxation.

“You’ve advised against allowing girlfriends financial control. But in my case, prior to her taking over, my finances were in the crapper (I was wasting money and was habitually late on credit cards and stuff). I’m also young enough that even if she does take everything, it’s not as if I’ve got a whole lot of time invested in it. And like you and your wife, I really have no reason to not trust her. She seems to enjoy doing things to remind me how much control she has over me. And her enjoyment is what I have found ends up making me the happiest.

“I also believe that since she owns my time, my employer is really paying her to have me work there.”


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Tuesday, October 31, 2017

FEMALE-LED SAVED HIS MARRIAGE—BIG TIME!

(In this morning’s email I came across a new, anonymous reader comment to my month-old post, BEAUTY AND POWER.” I found this comment to be so powerful in its wording and encouraging in its message that I decided to showcase it as a separate posting. Thank you, “Anonymous,” for this eloquent testimony.—Thomas Lavalle)

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Anonymous:

"’Not only is there power in beauty, there is beauty in power.’

“The truth of that statement resonates strongly with me. My wife and I have been married for 36 years. After about 26 years of marriage, we hit a rough spot. We were drifting apart. The spark had gone out of our marriage and we had different interests. When my wife told me she thought we were heading towards divorce, I was shocked. That crisis motivated me to suggest we give FLR a try.

“My wife found the idea weird at first, but she said she was willing to give anything a try. Well, we tried it, and she liked it. Not only did she enjoy the perks of power, but I was so turned on by her exercise of authority that I was in a constant state of arousal--for her. Having the power to turn me on turned her on, too, and not only did we get the 'spark' back, it became a raging erotic flame.”


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Friday, October 27, 2017

AU876 ON TOTAL FINANCIAL CONTROL, PART 1

“Beckie Sue,” author of the previous posting on Female Led Families, credited an article she read on Mark Remond’s (now inactive) Worshipping Your Wife blog as her major inspiration for assuming far-reaching control of her marriage, and specifically of all family income. Which, in her case, meant her husband’s entire weekly paycheck.

Here is how she explained it to Mark:

“I agree that financial control for the wife is the most important part of the marriage and solidifies her (my) control. This was hard for me to manage at first, but now I would not have it any other way. I had already opened my own checking account a few years ago when I went back to work after having our last child. After reading this important post (‘Au876 on Financial Control,’ 9.2.2010), I thought it a good idea to close our joint account my husband pays bills out of. I talked with him and told him I would like for him to deposit his paycheck into my private account. I will start to pay all the bills and he will not see anything of his paycheck. He has a debit card he uses when he wants to get something for himself; he will no longer have access to that. He had questions and doubts, but I told him the decision is final and permanent.

“After that conversation, my stomach was churning, maybe with some fear, but mostly with excitement. Total financial control over your husband is many times more powerful than control over everything else. I walked away with a real high, like on drugs.

“I will not be giving him any allowance like others do. He has a blue-collar job and brown-bags it every day, so he doesn’t need money for lunches. He is to have $10 in his wallet if anything comes up, and needs to tell me when it does so I can replenish it. If he needs to buy anything for the house or yard, he is to ask for my debit card.

“Of course he wasn’t happy when I told him of this. But afterward he said his happiness isn’t important, his only happiness is to see me happy. Which I am. When done, I told his to return to his chores. It gives me butterflies in my belly when I tell him that.”

—Beckie Sue

Here, then, with thanks to Mark Remond, is a reprint (with selected comments) of that influential posting on Financial Control (actually the first of two parts).  FYI: “Au 876” was the cybername of an utterly devoted female supremacist and mainstay of Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship Yahoo husbands group.—Thomas Lavalle

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Au876 on Total Financial Control, Part 1:

How It All Started

My wife didn’t start with financial control. But once she had more or less taken charge of most aspects of our marriage (with my encouragement), she did take over financial control. Once she did that, probably for the first time I felt completely under her control. It was both scary and exciting. Now it is just accepted. Looking back, it was about 10 years ago our power transfer started. My wife opened her own checking account and announced her paycheck would go there from now on. Since I couldn’t write a check on that account, we agreed she’d take over the bill paying (my check went to our joint account).

Less than a year later she closed our joint account and told me to arrange for direct deposit of my check to her account. This was a problem for me, but she finally convinced me it was the thing to do. She began making all the financial decisions, often with no input from me.

I was surprised how at much better off we were. She put me on a small allowance. I found myself stress-free from money worries. My biggest concern was to save money from my allowance to buy her a surprise present now and then.

Money like sex is power. I began taking on household chores to gain her favor and thus hopefully earn a bonus. After I did a chore two or three times, it suddenly became “my chore” and if I didn’t do it she might cut my allowance or she might refuse sex, saying I had not done my chores.

To other husbands in this situation, I say, strive hard to live within the allowance she sets. Strive to save some back so you can buy her a present now and then. It may not be much, but she will know you had to cut back on your own pleasures to afford it.

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My wife gradually took charge of our finances over a period of time. The day she had me close our joint checking account, deposit all the money into her personal account and have my paycheck deposited there was a real turning point in our relationship. Us guys seem to equate money with power. I was put in the position of having to ask her for money every time I needed some. I really felt her power. especially when she said no.

She put me on an allowance sometime later—she said to keep me from bugging her and to teach me how to manage what I had better. It was actually a relief and ego builder for me to have some freedom, even if the amount was not much.

Living Under Her Financial Control

My wife does have absolute control of all our finances. There are times I wish she didn’t. However, she is the better investor and we are much better off than when I was handling matters. We are aware of the tax situations and have set things up to take advantage of all the breaks. In addition, I am her major financial advisor. In fact, she insists I study and learn so she can ask questions and get answers without having to do research herself. I also pay all the bills, balance her accounts monthly and keep all the records for her review. All she does is sign the checks.

It is a good first step for your wife to open her own account. You cannot truly submit as long as you have any control or power with the finances. When she has total control of the family finances, both of you will feel the relationship has reached what you desire.

My wife now has total control of all our assets. My check goes by direct deposit into her account, and I am given an allowance, which she sets and adjusts as she sees fit. I am not allowed nor do I ever question any decisions she makes about finances (or anything else for that matter).

I cannot do anything financially without my wife’s signing off on it. She can do as she pleases and needs no consent from me. However, she insists I stay abreast of the financial markets, be prepared to give her good opinions when asked and be able to discuss matters with her.

So, don’t be afraid to give her complete and absolute control. Abide by her decisions. Do not argue with her. Do as much of the mundane paperwork as she wants you to do. Never question her but strive to make her decisions work just as you would do for your boss where you work.

She should and must be free to do as she pleases with the finances. She is in control. Adore her and work for her. Let her know you appreciate her.

Assure her you will not question anything she does and that her decisions on financial matters are final. If she wants your opinion, she can ask for it, and she knows that. But when you give your opinion, give it humbly and be glad she has asked for it. Never, never get upset when she does not use your opinion.

If you are still working on a budget, listen to her carefully. If there are any areas of dispute, then her idea, word or suggestions should be final. In the future, if you wish to purchase a “big” item, discuss it with her and LISTEN to her, then abide by what she thinks.

My wife uses me a lot for counseling on money matters. My job is to give her the best counsel I can (when she ask for it). Hers is to make the decisions. If she doesn’t ask, I am to remain silent.

Last night she got a call from a political party asking for money. She told them she’d have to think about it and to call back next week. When she got off the phone, I volunteered that I didn’t think we should give them any money. She looked at me hard and said, “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.” Now in some households that may start an argument. But I felt dressed down. I had overstepped my bounds and she let me know she didn’t appreciate it. I offered my apology and spent the rest of the evening catering to her even more than normal.

I am a strong believer in the idea that the person who controls the money has the real power, be it spoken or not. Wife worship is about service to your wife, yielding to her will, tending to her needs and most of all obeying her at all times. And, yes, if you do that for her, it means she has the power. I for one enjoy my wife being in control of all aspects of my life. It is easy to worship her. She demands it, expects it, and has ways to enforce it.

Serving as Her Financial Secretary

Financial control by the wife does not mean she has to do all the mundane work of bill paying, keeping track of stuff and etc. She can delegate that to you just like she can delegate anything else to you.

I do all the mundane financial chores such as preparing the bills for payment (she only signs the checks), balancing her accounts, researching for her investments when she tells me and giving her detailed reports whenever she says.

Living on an Allowance

Let her set your allowance (you can have input, but her decision is final). If you need extra money for something, hopefully you will be allowed to ask for it and present your case. You will find this hard to do and accept, having to ask your wife for money.
If she says yes, that is great, but what if she says no? You cannot argue with her. You cannot make her feel bad for saying no. You cannot pout. You have to cheerfully accept her decision even if you don’t understand it.

If my wife says no (and she does a lot more often than she says yes), I still find it hard to accept. However, we have reached a compromise. I am allowed to bring the request back to her in six months if I still feel I need whatever I asked for.

If you want to become more subservient to her, you might want to consider offering to do things if she will pay you more money. $5 is a mighty small amount to get by on per week. I get $25 and can hardly manage. Ask her if she will pay you an additional amount if you start doing the laundry and build on it from there.

A couple of years ago I wanted something that cost $150. My wife said no. A few weeks later I asked her if I could do something to earn the extra money. We talked back and forth awhile and she finally agreed she would “credit” me with $2 an hour for doing extra personal chores for her. I kept a record by minutes and we actually had a lot of fun with both of us thinking up things for me to do, her checking the record every day and etc.

Once I got close to the required amount, she started getting strict about it being an extra and even started deducting items to punish me for failing to do something I should have done. “Raising the bar?” As I said, it became fun. I got what I wanted. A big bonus was that I discovered some of the personal things she wanted done that she hadn’t brought up before and they are now a regular part of our relationship.

I sometimes wish I weren’t on an allowance and had more say-so with our finances. However, you sure feel the depths of submission (and its pleasures) when you are truly dependent upon your wife’s good will for whatever money you have.

To me the worst part is being on a small allowance and her having the ability to “punish” me by reducing it whenever she sees fit. However, she also rewards me at times with extra money, and I have learned to really appreciate that. I totally trust her to do what is right for me.

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Are you guys on an allowance? If so, how much do you get (if that is not too personal). I get $25 a week for spending money and do not have to account for any of it. When I have to buy anything for the house (i.e., groceries and etc.), she gives me a signed check and or lets me use her charge card. She always checks to make sure I have not padded the purchases to get extra money.

I often find it hard to get by with this amount. This Saturday when she was giving me my allowance, I suggested she should raise it. I had been broke the last three days. (But I had not gone into the money I save back to buy her presents.) In response she said I was not spending wisely and just needed to learn how to be more thrifty. She reduced my allowance to $20 a week for the next month, saying when I learned to live on that, the $25 would seem like a lot.

I am not upset. No need to be, that won’t help. I was just wondering if anyone else had experience in this matter. If so, how did you get a raise??

April 1st was a year since she last reviewed my allowance. I approached her about giving me more money. She told me to write down as best I could remember how I spent my money and keep up with everything I spent for the next three weeks and let her see it. It wasn’t real hard keeping up with $25. Saturday night I gave her my report. She said she’d look it over and decide what to do or change, if anything.

Last night she said she was raising my allowance to $50 a week! I couldn’t hardly believe it. I was hoping for a raise, but not that much. But the best was yet to come. After I nearly fell over myself in gratitude, she gave me $200 in cash and said to spend it all on myself, not to buy her anything.

I feel like I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wife I adore and worship. I love to serve her and take care of her. I know she loves me and appreciates what I do for her. She shows me that nearly every day. I told her how much I loved her and that I would always do whatever she said. She said she knew that and she loved me, too.

Buying Her Presents

I have very little money to get her anything for Christmas. But this has given me an opportunity to be creative. I am developing a plan to wrap up something, maybe a poem I’ll write, to say I am quitting my job and coming to work for her, as she has hinted that she’d like me to do. When this happens, she will be my boss both at home and at work. It is hard to believe how totally dependent I am upon her and how much I love it.

When my wife and I were dating, I would surprise her with little gifts every couple of weeks. Nothing expensive or fancy, just something I thought she would like. This continued (on less frequent intervals) for a while after we got married. However, after she took charge of our finances and put me on an allowance, I wasn’t able to afford to continue this. Now it is a real challenge to save up enough to buy her gifts on major occasions, although this will be easier now that my allowance has been raised.

I do leave her many notes of love and appreciation. I may have it by her coffee cup, put it in her purse, under or pillow or some other place I know where I know she will find it. She gives me gifts, too. It might be a bottle of men’s cologne, or as major as one she gave me last year, which was a $100 gift certificate to the drugstore where I usually buy pedicure supplies. I often wish I could buy her many more little things but she knows I can’t afford to and I think she appreciates the notes just as much if not more.

Someone here asked me how I could buy my wife expensive gifts. I can’t. There is no way possible because I do not have free access to any remotely large sum of money. If my wife wants something, she buys it, and I must say she does not hesitate to splurge on herself.

Before she took control of the finances, I would buy her expensive gifts from time to time. She appreciated them but often exchanged them for what she really wanted. Now she buys what she really wants. But the big plus is how much more she appreciates the small gifts I do buy for her. It may be an inexpensive sweater, some new underwear, candy or even flowers from time to time, but she knows I have had to save back from my allowance to make the purchase and she knows I have given up some pleasures for myself to please her. She seems to appreciate these items much more than she did those expensive gifts that caused me little hardship.

I have very little business travel. When I do, I am paid a daily amount by the company for meals and my room is charged to the company. I usually am able to return some of the daily money allowed to her, but she does not ask me to account for it.

(End Part One, to be continued…)

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Selected Comments:

Allen:

“My wife always paid the bills, but was afraid to take total control of the finance. She was against opening her own checking account and depositing my paycheck there; she believed we should both have access to the money. But she finally agreed. Au 876 once said: ‘You may think your wife can’t or does not want to handle the money. Odds are you are dead wrong. Once she has the control, you will be amazed at her expertise and how this assumption of power will cement her control over you.’

“How right he was! Her whole personality changed when she took over all financial matters, and she is really good at it. This is the part that helped her enjoy her leadership in our marriage; even more than when I do all household chores.

“Like Au, I too receive an allowance that is way too small. If I need new clothes, she will take me shopping. Our daughters know who is in control. They always go to my wife if they need money for anything.

“She used to discuss when she made purchases, and asked my input with expensive purchases. After taking total financial control, it took a while for her to get used to it, but now she buys anything she wants, within HER budget, and on MY paycheck, without any input or knowledge on my part. We (she) will be needing a new car in the near future, and I know I will not know what till she has it in the driveway.

“Men, don’t be afraid to turn over all your financial matters to your wife. Wives, you may be uncomfortable with it at first, but take that control. Putting his paycheck in your account may seem very wrong, but you may find it is the best way to achieve financial stability. And put him on a short leash. Financial problems no longer exist in our home. She may make mistakes with the money at times, and often I dislike my inability to buy things that I might want. But my wife is in control, and that the only thing that matters.”

Mark Remond:

“My experience was exactly like Allen. I certainly remember, as I took the steps at work to have my direct-deposit go into her private account, that this was one of those steps from fantasy into reality, one of those major turning points. And so it has proved. For years I had read about the ‘power exchange’ inherent in FLRs or Wife-Led Marriages. Well, now I know what it means. I no longer look at my beloved bride the way I did. Whenever I think of her, whenever she is in the room or speaks, there is an aura of power that surrounds her. And, yes, it is sexy. And she knows it, too.”

Anonymous:

“Taking financial control firmly cements a woman’s control over her husband. Until then, everything could be construed as mere role-playing and fantasy. But once a husband signs over control of his bank account and direct deposit, he has stepped from fantasy into reality. He can’t take it back, and she won’t want to give it back. She has absolute power. A woman who controls a man financially also controls a man sexually. He truly MUST strive to please her in bed, because his livelihood depends upon her.

“If a woman has financial control over her husband, and she’d like him to add some bulk and regain his washboard abs, she can simply drop a subtle cue...and he’ll KNOW he needs to hit the gym hard... because if she controls his finances, she has the leverage to demand anything from him physically and/or sexually. He’ll spend 10 hours/week in the gym until her eyes bulge when she takes off his shirt and she sighs with pleasure while raking her fingernails along the ridges of his abs. Then he’ll know that she’s pleased. In this way, a woman can use financial control to secure the hot male body and passionate sex she craves.”

LindasGoodBoy:

“I am horrible with money and after failing to repay my Mistress with money I borrowed, she has decided to take more active control in my personal finances, although we currently live in two separate households. I love the feelings of submissiveness I get at thought of her taking control of all the money.”

John:

“My Mistress feels that no good comes from a husband having too much control over money. My paycheck goes directly into her checking account. My normal allowance is $25 per week. I don't account for it. However, when something special comes up, Mistress will often allow me extra money. Of course, I need to ask, and explain the why.

“I do have a credit card with a $1,000 limit. This is what I use to buy gas and groceries. Mistress likes this because she can see where the money goes. Other than the normal household expenses, I am not allowed to use the card unless specific permission is given. Accepting financial control was difficult at first. Now it seems very normal.”

NYCuckold:

I am not sure if my company will allow me to direct deposit my check into an account that I do not have my name on. If so, I can always write a check to my wife for the deposit. I will also like to close all our joint accounts and put all our assets under my wife’s name. I also have butterflies, but the thought of this has been so powerful and pushes me so far into subspace. My wife is nervous about this but I am trying to convince her that I will be here for advice but she will make the final decision.”

Anonymous:

“Starting in July my pay began going directly into my wife’s account, as I was put on my allowance by her. Transferring the title of ‘our’ house so it became HER house was not too difficult. However, I am having difficulty finding information regarding my 401k. I want to transfer this to my wife also, so I can be completely under her control. She wants her control of me to be total and absolute. We’re both looking for help with this.”


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Thursday, October 12, 2017

BECKIE SUE ON FEMALE LED FAMILIES

Note from Thomas Lavalle: A natural outgrowth of the rapidly expanding social trend of female led relationships (FLRs) is the female led family, where daughters follow the mother’s lead in taking on ever-increasing leadership roles in the family. It is not clear to me why this is considered by some to be a controversial topic. After all, in traditional patriarchal families, objections were seldom raised about boys being accorded precedence and privileges over their sisters, almost regardless of age. Among recent advocates of the female led family, one of the most influential was “Beckie Sue,” a guest-poster to Mark Remond’s Worshipping Your Wife blog. Beckie’s posts certainly inspired me to republish here the contributions of “Ms. Amanda” and “Ms. Jenn,” as well as those of “Debra’s Son,” to spread the word about the many benefits of this natural expansion of the female-led lifestyle. The following selection of Beckie’s Sue’s thoughts (originally published on Feb. 6, 2015) is reprinted with Mark Remond’s permission.

A Female Led Family

I think it is important to make clear that we are not just a “female led marriage,” but we are a “female led family.”

Our daughters are always having their friends over. The friends are all aware that our girls’ father is the one who does all the housework. The friends are there when he comes home from work and starts right in on dinner, or perhaps the laundry, while I am there reading, or enjoying myself on our deck. Our daughters’  friends are right there and hear me tell him to do a certain chore and he never argues.

Their brother is always there, as well. He is very obedient to his sisters “requests.” They usually ask him “Will you...?” but they all know that it is really an order. Their friends are comfortable in telling him what to do, as well.

In being a female led home, our daughters’ girlfriends know it is more than I, it is my daughters who rule, as well. The girls have had many discussions on female superiority, and all of them are in agreement that as females they are superior. I have overheard them talk about having boys worship them and wanting to be goddesses. They are learning.

The Best Interests of our Daughters

Do we really think the interests of our son are less important than the interests of our daughters? That the opinions, desires and hobbies of our daughters are more important than his? Just because they are female and he is male?

Throughout history, girls were taught that men were more important, that the goals of men were more important than their own. In a female led home, girls need to learn to lead males. And, yes, because they are female, they need to understand the importance of seeking hobbies and activities that will fulfill them.
As a male, their brother understands that sometimes he needs to forgo his own interests so that his sisters may have the opportunity to pursue theirs.

If he was always allowed to pursue whatever he wanted, often the girls would not be able to enjoy what they want. Brothers need to learn the importance of always placing the female first, helping her become the woman she can be.

So, yes, in my view the importance of a brother’s interests are less important than the interests of his sisters; they need to be for girls to be able to lead in their home and society.

More Thoughts on Female Led Homes

I find that female led households are not as controversial today as they used to be. I am sure that many (if not most) homes are female led, though most are reluctant to admit it. Women are finding it more natural for them and their husbands for the woman to lead in their home.
 
Sons and daughters need both parents as role models for their lives. Our son sees his father doing all the work around the home, all the housework as well as all the yard work, mechanical and maintenance chores, etc. My husband understands the importance of serving women so the females are able to pursue their more important interests. My husband has taught our son the importance of obeying not only his mother, but also his sisters.

Our daughters see the benefits of a female led family. Like their mother, they are learning how to lead a family. They don’t have that authority yet, but they can see how a family is closer when females are in charge.

There are no problems with a daughter being in charge of her father, as long as she is an adult (out of high school). If she has been raised in a female led family, she is qualified. As a mature adult female, she will not lose any respect for her father by being charge of him; on the contrary, this relationship will bring them closer.

Our daughters are still in their teens. When I have gone out for the day, their father is in charge, and they know to obey him. But they are permitted to remind him of things. Recently I found my husband watching TV instead of getting his chores done. (He is not permitted to watch any TV for this reason. It takes his focus away from my desires, and takes too long to get it back.) I told our oldest daughter (with father’s knowledge) to keep an eye on him and remind him all the chores need to be finished by his 10 p.m. bedtime. He admits having her present helps him focus on all his work and keep him from breaking any of his rules.

He has a great deal of respect for our daughters because of their self-confidence and experience in learning to lead in the home. They are all aware that, as adults, the females will always lead the males.

A girl should be allowed to tell (not ask) her father what to do. Many comments have been made about how a daughter would lose respect for her father if she was allowed to boss him around. That is incorrect. Daughters lose respect for their fathers when their fathers are bossy to them, when their fathers act better than their mother. A girl’s respect toward her father only grows when she sees how he can be obedient to the ladies in his life. She learns respect for her father when he cleans her room and washes her clothes. Our daughters highly respect their father at supper when their brother and father stand and wait for the girls to sit and allow the females to fill their plates and start eating before being permitted to start their own dinner.

A mother is the one who needs to teach her daughters how to lead, what is right, what to expect from men. A daughter needs to learn to lead both brothers and father, through the eyes of her mother. Yes, a girl will make mistakes, sometimes hurting the males in the family. But they must accept it, and she will learn through the experience.

I never liked the idea that some men are submissive. Men are by nature obedient. Through school (in the past), sports, military, and jobs they are required to be obedient; much more so than women. It is their nature to be obedient and to work. It is the nature of the female to be sexual/sensual and to direct the men in their lives. If daughters don’t learn this in their home, they will have a hard time when they get older. And if sons don’t learn obedience in their home, and from watching their father, they will not grow up properly.
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Comments [a sampling from the original posting]:

Danielle: Dear Mistress Beckie, In a female led family, should the husband and children ( Female and male ) take on the wife’s maiden name?

Bob: I myself think that family power structure will slowly change. More and more women are becoming college-educated and less and less men are. Once upon a time it would be the father who started a business with the son inheriting it and the wife playing a supporting role (doing the paperwork, being a hostess at business-related dinners, etc.). More and more I think it will be the wife who starts a business with the daughter being groomed to take it over and the Father, and often the son, playing a supporting role.

So, while helping the family business as a teenager or an adult, the son is going to have to take orders from his sister. And as the daughter takes more responsibility and authority in the family business, it’s going to affect her status in the family. Sooner or later both her brother and father are going to have to learn to take orders from her. And from the wife/mother. And father and son will have to be the ones taking care of family housework, since the status of the women at the company will affect their status at home and in the family power structure.

So I don’t think it will be wrong for roles to be reversed .With the son staying home to help his father do housework and laundry while his mom and sister go to the sister’s soccer game or science club meeting. And the brother can help his dad bake some cookies and help quietly serve them to his sister and her girlfriends afterwards.

More and more, males will adjust to not being the center of attention. The males will still be loved by the female family members of the family, but more and more, I think, there will be a gradual downgrading on the males’ status. And as more and more women meet families like Beckie Sue’s, I think that more and more women will find it desirable, and quite normal, to have a female led family.

Tony: Our ‘Female Led Household’ will soon become a ‘Female Led Family’ as my teenaged stepdaughter will move in with us next month. Both her Mother and I are excited about this household improvement. As her father and Mother divorced when she was very young, she has been raised by her Mother, Grandmother and older sister. No male presence, no father presence, until now. She knows, of course, that her Mother is in charge of her household. Her Mother always has been. Now, with a subordinate father figure also present, there will be some adjustments, but not too many. She has visited and spent enough time with us over the past two years to know that her Mother is my boss, too, knows that I am obedient and am trained to serve. My wife agrees with Becky Sue that our daughter needs to be taught about family leadership and female power at an early age, so as she grows and matures she will become more comfortable and confident in the ways and manner of leading a family for herself.

In fact, my wife has informed me that she will be verbalizing more in issuing instructions to me, in being critical of my performance when necessary. This will be done in our daughter’s presence in order to show her how a man is to be kept obedient, managed and supervised. My wife has also told me that, in time, she expect that her daughter will be able to help her mother in supervising my housework.

Thank you Becky Sue for sharing your wise thoughts with us. We are very encouraged about the future.

Becky’s Fan:  I agree with Ms. Becky that men are at their best when they are obedient, and therefore we naturally need structure. Yes, we stray from doing the right thing when we don’t have that authority figure, which is why we need our wives. Thank you, Ms. Becky!

Chloƫ: In the past year, my fiance has taken more of a supporting role in our life together, and just recently referred me to this site, clearly indicating what he would like. Our household has changed so much over the past year, and I love it and him so much. But I find some of the sentiments a little strict. I agree with the comments around the gender dynamic of children, but I am also a woman with a lot of ideals (about justice and fairness), so at first I found this lifestyle a little strange. I still am adjusting my leadership style at home, but I am really thankful there are other households out there, and really appreciate the contribution of other women in this! Thanks, Beckie Sue!

Anonymous:  Beckie Sue inspires me. I’ve grown up in a female led family, but I don’t think my parents realize it. Mom is just the boss. She is mostly super nice, but if you don’t mind her, she will come down on u like a ton of bricks. My older stepsister is kinda the same way. About six months ago my sister and I were having a talk and i kind of admitted that i think men should serve women and my sister totally agreed. Since then we’ve had our own special relationship when the rest of the family isn’t around and sometimes when they are.

Beckie Sue would be very proud. My sister gives me chores to do and decides how much of my paycheck i can spend and how much gets put into my savings account. She can always come into my room w/out knocking. She can discipline me if I make her mad. i always need to be super respectful.

This may sound crazy but it makes both of us super happy. I think it’s the way most families should be. It’s the Beckie Sue way.

Grumplets: Having been raised in a family of six—two boys and two girls, in addition to my parents—the men did all or many of the chores. The girls just seemed to shrug it off and us boys had to take care of it, my father included. My Mother ran the house, but I don’t believe it was FLR by design. It just seemed to work. Over time, in our teenage years, the girls did not do chores. Only the men did it, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, home repairs, etc. We had to be home by a certain time while the girls came home whenever they wanted and so on.

I recall on holiday events when our relatives would come in, I would be standing there washing stacks of dishes say on Thanksgiving while they all watched in awe. It never crossed my mind that this was something women did. It had just always been this way from my view. So you Moms out there, you have a very powerful tool at your disposal.


Decades later, I still do all or most of the chores. I would not go as far as to say I always enjoy it, but it is something that I do. My Wife loves me for it. So everyone wins. But now there are sexual overtones to it. Sexual conditioning that has gone on for over five years that causes my nether region to tingle when it comes time to do the chores. Even if it makes me angry sometimes, I cannot get around the fact that I am so aroused by my Wife scolding me to take care of my obligations. This goes far beyond a sexual fantasy. I have no control over it. I do not believe my Wife full appreciates just how much power she actually has over me.

Femsup: Recently we had a little change of routine at our house. It was decided that the Daughter of the house was old enough to stay up later. She is a year younger than her brother but he will keep to his bedtime unless he is needed by me to help with chores.

The family is close and, say, if we are watching the TV together, my Wife will just clap her hands and say, “Okay, boys to bed.” It’s understood that the Females will stay up. My son was at first indignant and at having to go to bed earlier than his younger Sister, and I must say I was a bit miffed. But I tried not to show it and undermine my Wife’s authority.

We talked it over and I was to be allowed to stay up only if I had chores to finish. Otherwise it was boys’ bedtime. There are still groans and plaintive pleas from our son, wanting to finish watching a TV show, but he is told that they will record it or find it on other media so that he can watch it when he has more time.

Again, it’s a funny feeling not being able to stay up as long as a child, but I think it sends a very good message to our children about the respective positions of the sexes. And it gives time for the Ladies to be together and discuss important things without males being about. I hear more and more that my Wife and Daughter have been discussing things, and my Wife or Daughter have decided on something. Sometimes it’s a common front, but at other times it’s made explicit that the younger of the two has decided. This is good training for Her for when She has to lead a family of her own, and also for me and my son on how to be led.

I agree with others here that if things were reversed, people would not question it as it’s been that way in the past. There need not be anything sexual in it at all.

Mark Remond: Femsup, I welcome your comment with a great deal of interest. And I would certainly welcome any additional comments on the topic of female-led families, and would like to propose that perhaps these could become the basis of an occasional guest post. Since Ms. Amanda, Ms. Jenn and Beckie Sue are no longer posting here, or anywhere, to my knowledge, only Kathy’s Femdom 101 blog seems to be discussing this topic in an informative manner.

Anonymous: The Daytona 500 is being run today as I am writing this, but I am not watching it. Instead I will be leaving shortly to take my daughters to their high school volleyball tournament, and spending the afternoon there offering my support to them and their team. No NASCAR for me today as my devotion is to my family where it should be.

Conversely my wife will curl up on the couch with a glass of wine and a book for a quiet afternoon at home by herself where no one can bother her. The television is only on if my wife permits it, and that apparently is not going to be today.

Bob: One wonders if women’s increasing power has affected what kind of tv shows and movies a family watches? And whether it has affected dinner conversation. Once upon a time, the Son might get most or all of a family’s attention during dinner and otherwise, because of his place on the school football team. One wonders if this is being replaced by more attention being paid to the Daughter’s academic achievements? And whether more families are becoming more “Daughter- centric” and less “Son-centric.”

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