(A note from Tom Lavalle: Regular readers will recall previous posts from “Debra’s Son,” detailing his lifelong submissive journey—growing up in a decidedly female-led household, then, as a young man, dedicating himself to caring for the children of his recently divorced dominant sister; and, rewardingly, his exciting courtship of, and marriage to, the super-smart, uber-sexy and delightfully dominant Shayna (though she prefers the term “gynarchic”). Shayna and Debra’s son now have two beautiful children— a boy, 4, and a girl who completes her first year this April. As you might expect in a seriously gynarchic family, Debra’s son has been given the all-important duties of primary caregiver and housekeeper. He was kind enough to respond to my request for a family update with the following:)
Yes, Thomas, our little baby girl “officer candidate”* is growing like, well, not like the proverbial weed, but like a very rare and beautiful rose. Our son is crazy about her, and though he’s still small, I make sure he feels important by being my “helper” with her. And of course I make sure he sees me serve, obey, and defer to his mother as often as possible, and in the most casual ways, as though my behavior was as natural as a spring shower.
I know I've said it before, but when it comes to boys, I really believe in “example” above all else in order to inculcate our matriarchal values to them. I want to raise our son the way I was raised, but our society doesn't foster much pride in service anymore (in my opinion), and never has in terms of female-led families. What we need (we, as in my personal family) is more of a community of matriarchal households, but I suppose every family like mine can say that. Some of my wife’s female friends are dominants in the sense that their boyfriends or husbands are willing or at least tolerant cuckolds, but that’s not the same as the kind of matriarchal structure our family has.
I’m very lucky, though, in that I still have my own parents, who are both still healthy and unambiguously gynarchic (as is one of my sisters). My parents came for a visit recently. It’s very interesting to have two dominant women in the house when they’re inlaws. There was a certain amount of tension there, but not in a threatening way. My dad and I enjoyed it immensely, with no disrespect at all to the ladies in our lives. Deep down, I know my mom still thinks my wife is too young for me. She subtly scrutinizes how my wife does things, but is not openly critical. And although I worship my mother and call myself Debra’s son online, my primary allegiance is to Shayna, as it should be.
It was really fun and satisfying to see how things progressed during my parents’ four-day stay. I could tell my mom was secretly impressed by Shayna’s continued dedication to physical fitness and her ability to look sexy yet tasteful even in the most casual clothes, especially after two pregnancies. My wife’s midriff is a flat as ever now, and she loves showing it off in sports bras and pants. Mom, for her part, is in her sixties but still looks gorgeous. She admits she’s had a little work done, but just enough to enhance her natural beauty. Of course I would say something like this, being her son, but she really does look like a Susan Sarandon with different color hair.
Setting looks aside, my mom is spiritually and philosophically inclined, while my wife displays her intellectual side through her tech savvy. Once the two dominant women stopped metaphorically circling one another like two gorgeous wrestlers in a ring, it was gratifying to watch them impart their particular wisdom.
At one point, my wife said to my mom, “I know we don’t have to worry much about the boys, but I’ll show you some ways to make sure you maintain access to any electronic devices used in the home.” The “boys” are dad and I, naturally. Shayna also showed my Mom the latest in other home security products, which is part of her expertise. My Mom was genuinely interested, especially in home security, since she and my dad are both living alone now. And, since the birth of her two children, my wife is more interested the comfort and stress relief that goddess wisdom and spirituality can offer, which my mom was more than happy to discuss.
By the third night my wife had invited my mom to go out with her. It took a lot of coaxing, because, as confident as Mom is, I know she felt like she’d be way out of place in Shayna’s crowd. Shayna assured her that wasn’t true, and Mom finally agreed. Dad had gone shopping with Mom and helped her pick out a gorgeous red gown with an almost scandalous cleavage line, but my Mom, I’m not ashamed to say, can easily pull it off. And Shayna can still take a classic little black dress and knock anyone’s eyes out.
Dad and I helped our respective wives dress, which filled me with real joy, however strange that might sound. Hearing my wife tell my Mom about the girlfriends she knew, and a couple young guys she knew who would just melt over a woman like my Mom was surreal for my dad and me, although we had both gone through this scenario individually many times. As we listened yet tended to our tasks like dutiful valets, we each tried our best to make our goddesses as beautiful as possible. In fact, all during my parents’ time here, I think my dad and I were in a sort of unspoken competition as to who could be more solicitous and obedient to his lady. I think we were trying to prove to each other how well our wives had trained us!
As our ladies left, my wife uttered the line I know by heart, changing only the singular “I” in the last line to “we”: “I’ll call to check on the children. Don’t wait up, babe, and don’t worry. We’ll be home when we get home.”
Dad and I talked a lot while they were out, and I sensed that he and Mom are still so much in love and getting along well. We never said it outright, but we gave each other the impression that we have no regrets. I know dad is happy that I’m happy and vice versa.
Mom and Shayna came home about 2:30 a.m. Dad and I were still waiting up, which my wife forgives because she knows I can’t help worrying about her. Shayna very rarely drinks (and besides she was driving), but I could tell Mom was a little tipsy. As they came through the door they were giggling and talking about some guy whose lap Mom had been sitting on, along with more graphic details I won’t repeat.
They sort of clammed up when they saw us, and my Mom was a little annoyed that we weren’t in bed. Shayna explained that she was lenient with me on that point for the reasons above. Anyway, I thought it was wonderful that my Mom and Shayna finally got past what I feel was a long-term barrier in their relationship, for whatever reason.
Mom also talked to me privately before she left. She said she was very proud of me, the way I was running the house and taking care of the children. She told me that Shayna had told her,”You raised a good-hearted, responsible son. I might never have married if not for him, because I didn’t think men like him existed.” Mom took that as a great compliment, and I confess I did, too.
- The following, from an earlier post by Debra’s son (“Guidelines for Gynarchic or Matriarchal Families” ), explains his “officer candidate” reference:
“Females are going to have more privileges from birth, and will gain ever more authority as they mature. It is up to you to show the other males how to react. It’s likely that girls will have the bigger bedrooms, more privacy and downtime, more autonomy and money, and, as soon as they are able, the privilege of command. To use a military parallel, you might be an experienced master sergeant, but as your adolescent daughter matures, she becomes a lieutenant, and you have to recognize her authority and obey her within the limits of reason and safety. All females are officers or officer candidates, and males are perpetually enlisted. Your job is to simultaneously aid your wife in teaching the “Officers” leadership skills while setting an example for the “enlisted” and preventing too much resentment among them.”